The 2015 MTV VMAs: Here’s What To Expect From This Mess
This Sunday, August 30 at 9 PM ET, the MTV Video Music Awards — a time for twerking, a time for tonguing, a time for teat-jiggling — is back for another round. And so far, it’s looking kind of catastrophic!
Although a few more performers are still being added to the line-up in the final hours before the ceremony (and seriously, let’s hope they’ve got some more A-listers for their sake!), this one’s got all the makings of a reg’lar ol’ s–tshow.
And so, we’ve put together a guide to what to expect from this year’s ceremony.
THE PROMOTIONAL ART IS PURE GARBAGE
Can we just address this first: What even is this, MTV? It’s not good. It’s not so-bad-it’s-good, either. Seapunk tumblrwave try-hard? No. It’s just no! And way too much green. Take it all back! BASURA!
KANYE TO BE HONORED FOR BEING KANYE
Kanye West is this year’s recipient of the highly coveted Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award, which usually results in a major medley performance by the honoree, as with Beyoncé and Justin Timberlake — or, at the very least, some children in costumes doing it for you.
There’s no word if Yeezy’s actually going to be perform (although he should, because he always brings those next-level visuals to the stage), but he will more than likely have a few thought-provoking, headline-making words to say as he accepts his award.
We’re thinking his rather popular wife Kim Kardashian will do the honor of giving him the award, but perhaps Taylor Swift will be called upon to say a few words about her longtime BFF/probable next 1989 Tour guest. What would you think of THAT, LA?
THE PERFORMANCE LINE-UP IS MOSTLY MEH
And, although one more female silhouette is still TBA, Demi Lovato is currently holding down the fort as far as Top 40 pop princesses are concerned. (What, no Nicki Minaj-Taylor Swift-Katy Perry duet?) With any luck, she’ll give us the night’s (only?) potentially controversial performance with her subtly Sapphic summer smash, “Cool For The Summer.” C’mon, let’s give ’em something to talk about, Demetria!
Here’s a few questions, though: No Fifth Harmony, One Direction or Little Mix to keep the teens interested? No Ciara? WHERE IS CARLY RAE JEPSEN?! Why isn’t Lana Del Rey crashing through the ceiling with a bazooka gun and a helicopter? Madonna and Janet Jackson are two major reasons this show even still exists and they’ve got tours to promote, so why aren’t they here? Why is there never any justice in this world?
And let the record show that the VMAs remain irrelevant without Britney.
THE HOST IS A DELICIOUS PARENT COUNCIL NIGHTMARE
What will she do? More like what won’t she do, amirite? It’s likely she only agreed to the gig so that she can plug the great work she’s been doing for kids with her Happy Hippie Foundation for LGBTQ and homeless youth. And although she’s been given hosting duties, it’s almost guaranteed that she’ll bust out a tune or two…and maybe even invite her Flaming Lips buddies up on stage, too.
Love her or hate her, she’s probably 99% of the reason anyone will tune in.
Honestly, just do you Miley! (And also maybe perform “Liberty Walk” and/or “Permanent December” too?)
That’s about it for now. Will this trainwreck prove to be fun…or just awful? Unclear!
See you on Sunday, August 30 at 9 PM ET.
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