This week of American Horror Story: Hotel opens on the Hotel’s most bratty guest, Tristan, searching for our dear old crazy friend, Mr. March. Why is he looking for him you ask? Tristan has gotten a taste of blood and he wants more, more, more, and he's seeking out Mr. March for tutelage.

Mr. March revels in the fact that he has found an apprentice and gladly passes the baton (or bloody knife, if you will) to Tristan, because what else is a serial killer spirit supposed to do? We see Tristan adapt a dark look of bloodlust in his eyes and boom, here come the opening credits.

For those of you who didn’t notice, Ryan Murphy has dubbed this week’s episode Mommy, and decides to apply this idea of motherhood to two characters: John Lowe’s wife, Alex and Donovan’s mother, Iris. Anyone remember when Chloe Sevigny was done a horrible disservice during the second season of American Horror Story: Coven and was basically reduced to a female Quasimoto? Well, apparently Ryan Murphy has decided to beef up Chloe’s role this season, painting her as mourning mother whose only true love was the son that was stolen from her.

Her sad monologue takes us the through her journey of hope, to that of acceptance and loss ,culminating in a scene where she attempted to take her own life by slitting her wrists in a tub (cliché, but also a slight reference to Britney’s iconic "Everytime" music video?).

The entire Lowe family has decided to seek family therapy after Scarlett declared that Holden is still alive. Everyone think Scarlett has cracked since she describes Holden as a little lost boy who sleeps in a coffin, eats candy, and plays Nintendo all day. The important thing to note is that Scarlett says Holden smells like lavender, which is something that Alex says during her mommy monologue, so maybe Scarlett isn’t delusional after all?

Apparently Naomi Campbell hasn’t checked out of the hotel, and apparently we’re supposed to buy into the fact that her high end fashionista character is okay with staying in this dingy hotel room. She starts to see and hear things, but remains truly flaw-free (while emotionally distraught), and decides to shake it off and go to sleep in, of course, the very bed the junky from last episode was sewn up in. I have no idea how he is still alive, but he still has enough gusto to escape his mattress cocoon and wildly stab Naomi Campbell to death.

A couple scenes later, Max Greenfield’s addict character flatlines in the hospital and, in typical AHS fashion, we're not even thirty minutes into the show and two people are dead.

We switch gears to Tristan again, who has decided his first target shall be none other than the hotel owner, Will Drake. He uses his good looks to gaybait him into a nice make out session, and just before Tristan is ready to stab Will in the neck, The Countess appears (with Gaga serving intense Morticia Addams teas) and tells him to cut the shit.

To keep with the “Mommy” theme, the hotel’s second in command crybaby, Donovan, whines and whines about how horrible of mother Iris was, acting like a spoiled kid who didn’t get a lollipop (but looking damn fine while doing so). Iris cries hurt mama tears because Donovan says over and over how he hates her and wishes she would have let him die.

Donovan puts Iris through it, eventually telling her that since she failed as a mother, she should just kill herself, and so we see a truly beautiful mother-son dynamic unfold before our eyes.

Also, just a quick observation, but Kathy Bates is truly AHS’s unsung hero — the HBIC of the last three seasons, in my opinion.

Donovan decides to take his pouting outside of the hotel and take a nice trip down relapse road, feeding on a junkie and then just leaving her to chill out on a bench. He goes to attack a lady as his next target, and this is how we are introduced to Angela Bassett’s character: Ramona Royale. Angela Bassett says nope, not today white devil, and electrocutes him before he can shank her and throws Donovan into the trunk of her car.

Turns out Miss Ramona Royale was a huge B-movie blaxploitation star in the 70’s and caught the eye of The Countess during that time. Ramona Royale essentially becomes Gaga’s Heavy Metal (lesbian) lover for many years, until Ramona fell in love with some rapper and Gaga got jealous and killed him, because hell hath no fury like a Countess scorned (looking very Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct).

So now Ramona has sworn revenge on the Countess and has turned to Donovan to be her accomplice, and now last week’s love triangle is a love square.

I guess everyone wants Will Drake this week, because The Countess makes an extremely sensual advance on him (even though he is a flaming homosexual), but we learn this is all part of her plan, seeing as how she is flat out broke. So the Countess is also a gold digger and hopes to take Will Drake for all his money, because nothing is sacred in AHS.

Alex Lowe comes back to the Hotel Cortez to serve John with some divorce papers because she cannot get over the disappearance of Holden. She and John engage in some still-married macking, but it ends abruptly when John suggests they have another kid (honestly the worst pillow talk I could ever think of for a mourning mother). Alex abruptly leaves, and is ensnared by the murderous hotel, because not only is she read for filth by Naomi Campbell’s bloody ghost, but also reunited with Holden for the first time since his little blonde head disappeared.

Since Donovan has been abducted, Iris has turned to Courtney Love wannabe Sally to help her in some nice assisted suicide. Sally obviously obliges with tear stained cheeks, but instead of pushing Iris out of the window like she had done, she pumps her full of drugs because Ryan Murphy really likes to drive home that image.

Donovan comes back to the hotel realizing he has no life outside of it and is verbally bitchslapped by Denise O’Hare’s bedazzled drag queen Elizabeth Taylor for being such a brat to his mother. Looking to make amends for being a little shit, he travels to Sally’s room in search of Iris, only to find his mama dead from asphyxiation. And in the night’s most symbolic and poetic turn of events, Donovan decides to turn his mother into an immortal bloodsucker, just like Iris had done for Donovan when he overdosed.

And there you have it, another week, another stay at Hotel Cortez. Until next time folks!

Watch Episode 3 of American Horror Story: Hotel on FX.

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