The new face of glamour? Amy Schumer likening her fifth-grade self to a "Jack-o'-lantern with t---." And thank god for that.

The comedian, who had the distinguished honor of making out with Tina Fey (and, you know, winning A PEABODY AWARD) earlier this week, accepted Glamour UK's distinction as the magazine's official trailblazer on Tuesday (June 2). Rather than offer a trite, weepy speech as a means of appreciation, Schumer opted to cuss, fire shots at the publishing industry and inform the audience, "I’m probably like 160 pounds right now and I can catch a d--- whenever I want." Noted!

"I'm not nervous: I don't live here, so..." Amy begins the colorful monologue above, which finds her sharing the stage with comedy big wig Jennifer Saunders of Absolutely Fabulous. The vulgarity is beyond quantification, and the laughs could compete with a foghorn, but Amy's sentiments about self-worth cut through the guffaws. In particular, a tale of being objectified by a guy during her freshman year of college speaks to her journey toward eventual unshakable dignity.

"I told that story about, just, like, losing your self-esteem and then just, like, finding it and being like, 'No, I'm not gonna apologize for who I am...and not be, like, striving for some other version of myself,'" she offered to resounding cheers.

Inspired by Amy's unorthodox acceptance speech? Listen to the whole thing, and be sure to share your take in the comments!