Ellen + Portia, Melissa McCarthy + Ben Falcone Duel in Not-So-Newlywed Game

What's the key to a good marriage? Don't ask Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi. Don't ask Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone, either. Both couples proved they're essentially strangers on The Ellen Degeneres Show today (September 23).

Ellen and Portia, who have been married for seven years, challenged Melissa and Ben, who have been married for 10 and together for 17, to a round of the Not-So-Newlywed game. And with nearly 20 years of wedded bliss between them, the four contestants only collectively answered two questions correctly—the location of Ellen and Portia's first kiss, and that Portia has a crush on Jonathan Rhys Meyers because he "looks like a girl."

In the clip above, Melissa and Ben get off to a telling start when Ben guesses Melissa would identify him as "good enough" (she actually deemed him "kind," aww...). They're also on different pages as far as celebrity crushes are concerned (Tom Hanks vs. Jennifer Aniston) and whether Melissa is "chatty" or "lovely and amazing."

And with the exception of the aforementioned lip-lock, Ellen and Portia deliver shocking relationship incompetence. In candy terms, Ellen thinks Hot Tamales best describe the couple's love life, while Portia's stern that it's an Oh! Henry affair. What more needs to be said?

"Seventeen years, guys!" Melissa observes as the scoreboard flashes her final score of 0. At least she's taking the loss in stride...

Watch two couples prove love is a stranger's game, and remember: Learning intimate details is an effort in vanity!

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