This week’s episode of Empire begins with a hardcore FBI raid of Empire Records and all of Lucious’ properties.

Jamal is in the midst of a recording session for his upcoming album, titled The Artist, and is simultaneously being interviewed for a Rolling Stone cover story when Empire is raided and all of its cushions are destroyed — the FBI are truly ruthless. What a precious, sweet little angel baby Jamal is! He’s such an artist! That’s why his album title works!

Anyway, Cookie, Anika, and Hakeem learn about the raid at Empire, and Cookie makes it a point to use this opportunity to assign Anika, who has recently asked for the one billionth time to be let back into the group, the opportunity to get back into her good graces but LOOK OUT COOKIE: The FBI are coming for you too!

While the FBI break down the doors at Dynasty Records, Cookie can be seen sporting her Beyonce “Countdown” wig. At least not all is lost.

We find out the FBI was tipped off to Empire Records by the investigative attorney on Lucious' case who, although he seems to have all the power, is powerless to LUCIOUS' PENIS as he greets her with it upon her entering his apartment.

In the Empire Records board room, Lucious establishes that the FBI raid has taken Empire Records to a new plane of badassery, which Mimi (she’s back!) agrees to , and explains that now is the time to expand the company.

As we all know, nothing says “OUR BUSINESS SHALL FOREVER FLOURISH!” like a FBI raid.

Lucious and Cookie meet up to call for a truce, which in my perfect world, would last forever and ever. After Lucious denies Cookie’s request for basically everything, together they decide it’s a good idea for Hakeem and Jamal to make a music video in light of the press Empire Records is getting. Also, Cookie looks amazing in this scene. Lucious always pulls off a nice suit, but there’s something about Cookie. It’s a je ne sais quoi. She has the ability to seemingly take gaudy, arguably ugly costume pieces and pair them with ballbusting confidence and the gays can’t get enough.( I’m one of the gays who can’t get enough.) Don’t ever stop, Cookie.

Andre, being the most like Anika I’ve ever seen him, approaches Lucious yet again and asks to be a part of the company. I have to say, being a Lyon and having no pride isn’t the best color on Andre. In any case, he proposes getting up to some shady business for his father and scurries off into the distance.

Chuck Hodes, FOX

The concept for Hakeem and Jamal's music video is, and I directly quote, “a post-apocalyptic black panther theme with the brothers fighting police oppression.” This is just another reason why Empire is such a juggernaut television show. Not only did Empire tackle this issue in the first episode of the season - lest we forget Cookie descending from above in a gorilla costume - but it’s managed to become a seemingly central theme for this season. Well f--king done, Empire. Also, Jamal looks sexy as ALL HELL in a beret.

Outside of the video shoot, which seems to take place at a glorified playground I’ve seen somewhere near my apartment (oh hey, Hamilton Heights!), Cookie is arrested by the police. She screams to Portia “If I die in police custody, I did not commit suicide!” and is whisked away. BAM. I would have stood up and applauded this moment when it happened, simply for the sake of the consistency of this theme throughout the season, but I was cocooned in a down comforter and no mobility was available to me.

Roxanne Ford, Lucious’ prosecuting attorney / vague sexy love interest / tool for manipulation / ugly shoe wearer is responsible for locking Cookie up. Cookie is sitting in an interrogation room with purple lipstick and a shellacked red leather purse when Ford tells her she will go after her children if she doesn’t help her build a case against Lucious. OH HELL NO. During this scene, I had a brief “That’s So Raven” moment where I blacked out and imagined Cookie jumping over the table and ripping the weave right off Ford’s head, but then I came back to my senses. I can only hope my dream will become a reality soon enough.

Meanwhile, Andre and Rhonda decide it’s time to dig up Vernon to get back into good graces with Lucious. Rhonda uses the phrase “ride or die” when she tells Andre she’ll be accompanying him and his shovel to the gravesite, and I felt the tiniest tinge of love for her. Everyone loves a ride or die bitch.

Chuck Hodes, FOX

Things get out of hand back at the video shoot, when Hakeem and Jamal get into a massive fight, where Hakeem predictably storms off set and swears never to return. He also almost takes a bat to Jamal, which might be foreshadowing something crazier to happen later in the season BUT I AM NO PSYCHIC. Back at the police station, Cookie gives Ford a glimpse of information regarding Lucious’ sketchy radio deal, and actually ends up complimenting Ford’s weave. I’ve never been more disappointed in Cookie. Also, I reiterate, I am clearly no psychic.

Lucious and Thirsty arrive to help Rhonda and Andre with the body search. Thirsty, being endlessly creepy and useful, pulls out a corpse detection device! It doesn’t look anything like mine, so I’m assuming it’s a newer model, but it works surprisingly well and within 30 seconds of their arrival, they find Vernon's body.

Rounding out the episode: Hakeem discovers a beautiful singer in a seedy bar, Jamal embraces a God complex with his new portrait, Andre says some beautiful words over the long dead body of Uncle Vernon and earns his spot back at Empire, Cookie confronts Anika for being a garbage person, and Roxanne Ford wakes up with Uncle Vernon’s dead body in the passenger seat of her car. She screams, but her tits look amazing.

This was a good episode, y'all. This was a goooooood episode.

Watch Episode 4 of Season 2 of Empire on FOX.

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