Halsey Reveals She Suffered Shocking Miscarriage
"...Last year on tour I got pregnant," the singer told the magazine, before describing the harrowing moment she miscarried ("screaming on a hotel bed, bloody, naked from the waist down") just hours before going onstage to perform.
"I'm like, 'I have to cancel this show!' And everyone's kind of like, 'Well, it's Vevo LIFT, and it's 3 million impressions, so...' No one knew what to do," Halsey explained, adding that she wore an adult diaper and took two Percocet in order to power through the performance.
"It's the angriest performance that I've ever done in my life," the singer-songwriter shared. "That was the moment of my life where I thought to myself, 'I don't feel like a f---ing human being anymore.' This thing, this music, Halsey, whatever it is that I'm doing, took precedence and priority over every decision that I made regarding this entire situation from the moment I found out until the moment it went wrong. I walked offstage and went into the parking lot and just started throwing up."
While the artist wasn't sure what caused the miscarriage, she revealed that afterwards, she blamed herself for the tragedy.
"I beat myself up for it because I think that the reason it happened is just the lifestyle I was living," she told the magazine. "I wasn't drinking. I wasn't doing drugs. I was f***ing overworked – in the hospital every couple of weeks because I was dehydrated, needing bags of IVs brought to my greenroom. I was anemic, I was fainting. My body just broke the f*** down."
Despite the sad experience, Halsey added that more than "anything in the world" she would still love to have children someday.
"I want to be a mom more than I want to be a pop star," she said.
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