Pop Propositions: 10 Laws Washington D.C. Should Consider Passing for Mainstream Music-Makers
Good old Washington, D.C. is a lot like Hollywood. Except instead of pop stars and celebs, it’s full of lobbyists, special interests, shady dealings and questionable haircuts. (Okay, so the haircuts are prevalent in Tinsel Town, too.)
The nation’s capitol is where all of our laws get passed, and we have a few ideas of some rules and regulations for celebs like Katy Perry and Justin Bieber, that we wish the people in Congress would take into consideration. Let’s be honest — they’re too busy harassing Jay-Z and Beyonce over a trip to Havana to focus on real issues anyway, so it’s not like we’d be taking them away from anything important.
Silence Taylor Swift
Now, we’re not saying Taylor Swift should actually be mute — but we are saying that she should silence herself next time she wants to sing about an ex-boyfriend (or hire someone to talk about them to Vanity Fair). Maintaining some mystery could only help her, not only in her image (which is arguably overexposed), but also in the very dating life she spews so much lyrical vitriol about.
Ban Saccharine From Selena Gomez
Selena Gomez is adorable and other than her role in ‘Spring Breakers,’ she’s squeaky clean … even when she’s talking smack passive aggressively about Justin Bieber. Sel, either be genuinely nice or go all out and sass the Biebs directly. No more playing it both ways … especially when he’s taking the high road and is one of the main reasons you’re super famous now!
No More Denying Your Roots
Drake would be fined handsomely for forgetting that he didn’t ‘Start From the Bottom.’ The ‘Motto’ rapper started from ‘Degrassi,’ which, if you’re unfamiliar, is basically a teenage Canadian soap opera. Saying otherwise would legally constitute fraud and risk his deportation back to his homeland in the Great White North.
Mandatory eHarmony Accounts
Maybe Katy Perry would have better luck with men if she didn’t date guys with such bad track records, like John Mayer and Russell Brand. By using an online dating site that matches her up with people who have similar character traits, she’s a lot more likely to find a good guy — rather than a bad boy she needs to tame.
Confiscate Justin Bieber’s Keys & Cameras
When Justin Bieber is in another country, there is no need for anyone to have access to his cars or his mansion — When has that ever ended well for him? Additionally, when Biebs is home, there needs to be confidentiality agreements and cameraphone collections upon entry to avoid more weed photo fiascos. The only people who would object to this ordinance probably work for TMZ.
Shut Up About Weed
Do Not Feed the Trolls
Chris Brown, stop tweeting. If you can’t stop tweeting, at least stop responding to your numerous, vocal and often obnoxious haters. Seriously, be the bigger man until it gives you a nosebleed: This includes ignoring thirsty Tweeters like Jenny Johnson and congratulating Frank Ocean on his success, even if it means lying through your teeth. Bitter, temperamental and angry ain’t a good look, bruh.
Miley Cyrus Must Wear a Mouthguard
Two-Year Tattoo Waiting Periods
Harry Styles and his One Direction mates, save for Niall Horan, seem to be mistaking their bodies for literal canvases, or perhaps just notebook paper, because they can’t stop getting what look like middle school doodles inked all over them. Perhaps if they were forced to take a pause in between tattoo appointments, they’d get art that was more meaningful now and less regrettable later.
Forgive Flaws & Hail the Queen
Maybe if there were a law that said we have to forgive people for not being perfect, Beyonce may eventually display even just one flaw, if she even possesses a single one. We don’t think she does, which is why we’d also set aside one day a month (the 4th, naturally) to revere her mighty pop highness, Queen Bey.