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‘Reign’ recap ‘Hearts and Minds’: Well, That Escalated Quickly

Reign
Marni Grossman/The CW

“I don’t understand why he changed so quickly…” says Lola of the formerly Perfect Portuguese Prince Tomás, and I’m with her. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I didn’t suspect Mary’s new fiancé and Scotland’s savoir of having a dark side, but jeez Louise ‘Reign‘, he got pretty evil pretty fast.

We open with an archery tournament. Tomás vs. Francis. Tomás tells Francis he can’t win, and, what do you know, Prince Frenchy doesn’t. Mary’s (still secret) husband-to-be offers her his favor and gets the whole crowd flapping with the scandal of it all.  But shock piles on shock as Simon, the English diplomat, is arrested as a spy, accused of aiding the ambush on poor Bash.

Unfortunately, the only witness to Simon-as-spy is a not super trustworthy prostitute, so King Henry makes a deal to release Mary from her marriage agreement with France if she’ll take credit for the prossie’s testimony. Who’s court does this need to hold up in, exactly?

In any case, Francis and Mary are about to say goodbye, so this is a perfect time for their feelings for each other to grow. The unlucky lovebirds even joke about how Europe thinks Francis is “sicky, weak and stunted”, which made me LOL because, of course, that’s truly how he was according to history. They also share a few romantic touches and smooches, some of which are spied by Miguel, Tomás’ personal assistant, and reported back to the bastard Prince who, literally out of nowhere, Francis is calling a monster. He just has a feeling.

But you know what? Tomás is a monster! First, he uses poor Miguel as a whipping boy to teach Mary not to interrupt. Later, after Francis suggests he killed his first wife (!!!) he refers to Mary as his property…HIS PROPERTY…and then laughs when Francis tends to his weakened half-brother instead of fighting. Mary’s marriage does not look like it’s going to be a happy one.

Meanwhile, Kenna has become emboldened and tells King Henry she wants to stay in France and be his mistress. That part is a little icky. Something about the King’s close-cropped beard face kissing a girl that I assume is supposed to be 15-ish. Ugh. Let’s skip over that for now.

Everyone is getting ready for a costume ball for St. Michaelmas, celebrating the saint that defeated Lucifer. FORESHADOWING. It’s here that Lola utters her brilliant line (see above) and Francis and Bash (still injured but swinging a sword – bless him) slowly realize that Tomás’s desperation to secure a Queen, and thus his legitimacy, and thus the Portuguese throne, caused him to orchestrate the ambush that injured Bash, prevented France from sending troops to Scotland, allowed Tomás to send troops to Scotland, ended the marriage pact between Scotland and France, and will soon cause the decapitation of Simon!!! That’s a lot of evil!

After a confrontation at the ball (the day-time ball?) Francis and Bash are on the heels of Tomás before he can put an arrow in the back of poor Miguel. (“Run, Miguel!” – The Dauphin of France) Arrows, swords, and daggers fly as Tomás once again tells Francis he’s gonna lose. Then Tomás gets a dagger in the heart, proving he’s no Nostradamus.

But it’s all good. Everything gets wrapped up in a nice neat stack of lies about a hunting accident for the Portuguese King, and Mary is able to stand up for herself and renegotiate a new marriage contract, even if the future is still uncertain when it comes to France and Scotland/her and Francis.

But, as she says to Clarissa, presumably hiding in the secret hallway, she doesn’t feel alone anymore. And gosh darn it, the Queen of Scotland isn’t alone because the camera tilts down to reveal the bag-wearing Clarissa laying under the bed.

Eeeeee.

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