Say what you want about Shia LaBeouf, but the man can certainly tell a story.

In a recent appearance on 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!', the 'Fury' actor unveiled exactly what happened the night of his arrest at the Broadway show 'Cabaret.' Here's a taste: It involves a homeless man, grabbing Alan Cumming's butt, feeding strawberries to 50-year-old women, and drinking a whole lot of whiskey. And that was just the first half of the night.

LaBeouf explains that he stumbled out of a bar to have a cigarette when he ran into a homeless man. While in conversation with the guy, a woman comes up to LaBeouf and starts taking photos of him, which sends the homeless man running and the actor chasing after him into Times Square. And while in Times Square, a fan -- who just happens to be a dancer in 'Cabaret' -- approaches LaBeouf and gives him tickets to the show. That's when things get even crazier.

"I'm really good and drunk at this point," LaBeouf explains. "...So, I get another double whiskey and I sit at my seat and there's these two beautiful 50-year-old women. I say, 'Oh, yeah! Tonight's the night, ladies! What's it going to be? What do you want to drink?' They look at me like, 'Don't talk to me.' So, I take it as a sign that they want exactly what I'm drinking."

He then spies a plate of fruit at the bar, which he is inexplicably in awe over.

"So, I start taking fruit off the fruit plate and I start feeding this other woman who looks about 50, 60," he relays. "So now I'm feeding this woman strawberries and I forget I'm even at the show anymore."

But that pales in comparison to what happens when Alan Cumming takes the stage in leather pants, smoking a cigarette.

"Alan Cumming walks past me ... and all I'm thinking about is the leather pants and him winking at me. He walks past so I give him a slap on the ass, because I think he deserves it," LaBeouf says. "He's the sexiest man I've ever seen. I don't just slap it slap it. I grabbed him — like, I grabbed a whole cheek because I wanted the party right here in my pants. I wanted the whole party." Whoa!

When the actor got kicked out of the show and subsequently arrested, the police put him in a jail cell with six other guys -- which LaBeouf was desperate to escape from.

"I'm like, 'I gotta get out of this little cell with these six dudes.' I'm trippin'," he explains. "So I figure, I'm gonna spit on this cop's shoe. That's my way out. So I spit on his shoe and I'm lookin' at him, and it was [my way out]. He put a mask on me, a Hannibal mask, and a lead jacket, and ushered me into my private little dwelling, where I sat for 25 hours. Then they gave me a McDonald's egg sandwich."

Yep. This is definitely the kind of thing that you have to watch Shia LaBeouf explain in his own words. Watch his recollection of his 'Cabaret' arrest in the video above.