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Study Deems Bieber Fever ‘Most Infectious Disease of Our Time’

BieberFever
Mark Metcalfe, Getty Images

Forget what you’ve heard about the measles, mumps or West Nile Virus. Those infectious diseases ain’t got nothing on Bieber Fever, which is reaching epidemic proportions as Justin Bieber readies the release of ‘Believe,’ which drops June 19.

Researches at the University of Ottawa claim that Bieber Fever, which is the obsession young girls develop with the teen idol, is “the most infectious disease of our time.” So what’s the course of treatment that will bring about a cure? Why, negative media attention, that’s what!

Like most infectious diseases, BF spreads when infected individuals are in contact and follow the excessive media exposure.

The Stratford Beacon Herald reports that this somewhat questionable study – as in why was grant money spent investigating something that seems like an obvious cultural phenomenon? — was conducted by Valerie Tweedle and Robert J. Smith? The question mark is a part of his name, by the way.

The study includes detailed mathematical formulas and the biological impacts that are a result of being infected.

The study reads: “Bieber Fever has similar properties to other infectious diseases, such as a rapid rate of transmission in large populations, eventual recovery and debilitating scarring (in the form of inappropriate tattoos of Justin Bieber’s name/face). Symptoms include uncontrollable crying and/or screaming, excessive purchasing of memorabilia, making poor life choices (e.g. copycat hairstyles) and distraction from everyday life.”

Inappropriate tattoos? Copycat hairstyles as poor lifestyle choices? Come on! Really? This all seems obvious and somewhat normal behavior for a teen girl who happens to crush on a pop star.

The researchers also suggest that eradication Bieber Fever will come when there is “continuous negative media” to help rein in oversaturation.

The study indicates: “The only methods to help control the spread of infection are to publish more negative media stories about him than positive, such as involving him in a sex scandal or exploit his bad haircut choices and increasing the number of times those negative stories appear in the media.”

Another way to overcome the infection is to simply grow up. Maturing girls may lose interest in Bieber and thus be cured of Bieber fever as they age.

University of Ottawa public relations spokeswoman Caroline Milliard said the school is “confident it is actually a true story,” but staff is looking into when the report was published.

While this was good for a giggle, the findings of this “study” seem fairly obvious and comprised of common sense, with an attempt to throw some junk science into the mix.

Next: See the Craziest Justin Bieber Fan Tattoos

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