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Top 10 Anti-Love Songs

Cee-Lo Green
Dimitrios Kambouris, Getty Images

Valentine’s Day is here, but it may not everybody’s favorite holiday. So, here’s PopCrush’s list of the Top 10 Anti-Love songs for all those angry hearts out there. See, chances are somebody in your office has been dreading Feb. 14 for a while now, knowing that a parade of flowers and chocolate (none for them) will stream into the building and leave them feeling left out.

Even the strongest person, who has fully and truly decided to be on their own for a while, can have a tough time walking against the tide of popular sentiment on Valentine’s Day. So you can imagine how bad the recently dumped or betrayed feel, with corny and over-sentimental reminders of love surrounding them pretty much all day. So let’s let some demons out, shall we?

10. Kelis, ‘I Hate You So Much Right Now’
Judging by the lyrics — “Last year, Valentine’s day, you would spoil me, say ‘Babe, I love you, love you babe I swear’” — it would seem Kelis’ relationship was in a pretty good place when this holiday rolled around. It’s also pretty clear something went wayyyy wrong since then, that her therapist told her just to let it all out, and that they probably never imagined she’d go this far or be this direct:

9. Avril Lavigne, ‘What the Hell’
Here’s an interesting twist on things: Lavigne‘s not complaining about any bad behavior from her former lover; rather, she’s looking to cause some trouble on her own. The crimes her man’s committing this time around are begging and clingy-ness, but the way she sees it, if she wants to sow her wild oats, ‘What the Hell?’

8. Lily Allen, ‘Smile’
Word of warning guys, if you cheat on your girlfriend, karma just might line things up so that she gets herself back together and happy on her own (or worse, with another lover), just in time for you to realize you’ve made a terrible mistake. Then you’re gonna be the one pleading and crying and looking pathetic, while she just smiles and walks on by…

7. Kanye West, ‘Blame Game’
Everyone’s favorite hip-hop drama king takes on the ‘Blame Game’ that happens way too often between former lovers in a typically wide-ranging, messy, self-contradicting and ultimately riveting way. How perfectly the high-society piano clashes with the sexually explicit talk from comedian Chris Rock.

6. Christina Perri, ‘Jar of Hearts’
Perri takes on a serial heartbreaker in this brooding strings and piano ballad (again with the pianos!) that sounds like something Radiohead would compose. Perri managed to survive, but her tormentor is planning to finish off the job. Which might not be a smart move, given the strength and resolve Perri displays here.

5. Adam Sandler, ‘Somebody Kill Me’
We’ve pretty much broken up with Sandler, who used to be funny but currently seems content to joylessly suck the life out of movie theaters twice a year. However, just like an old photograph can trigger romantic feelings that your brain knows are wrong, this heart-breakingly funny clip reminds us why we loved him in the first place.  (Let’s also give some credit to the true master of the angry break-up song, Sam Kinison.)

4. The Fugees, ‘Killing Me Softly’
Not so much an angry song, but rather a love song to an artist who understands all the pain and hurt that love can make you feel. So, when you’re seeing red or feeling hopeless, remember, other people have been there and understand what you’re feeling — and can possibly express it better than you can even think it in the moment.

3. Rihanna, ‘Take a Bow’
Just a little bit of sarcasm, here, right? Rihanna applauds her lying, cheating no-good son of a whatever’s efforts at convincing her he’s sorry and committed to her. “You put on quite a show / You really had me going / Very entertaining / But it’s over now / Go on and take a bow.” She goes so far as to hand out awards for ‘Best Liar,’ which we must have missed at this year’s Grammy Awards.

2. Cee-Lo Green, ‘F— You’
First off, shout out to Harry Nilsson, who did this same awesome blend of upbeat music and vengeful lyrics about 40 years ago. But that doesn’t diminish the wonderful madness this costume-loving soul singer cooked up here. How much does it have to hurt for whoever this is about — to know that the whole world’s gonna be dancing along to a song telling you to piss off for pretty much the rest of time?

1. Alanis Morrisette, ‘You Oughta Know’
It is now the law in 17 states that any woman who is done wrong — and then forced to watch the man who did the damage move onto a happy relationship — is required to play this song at least once from the jukebox of a seedy bar while her friends buy her too many drinks. Then, everyone has to sing along with the chorus and the part about the movie theater. You can look it up!

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