Man Says He Can’t Get Sleep Because of Girlfriend's Night Farts

A man on Reddit is contemplating breaking up with his girlfriend because she farts all night long, depriving him of sleep. They're not even smelly, he says, just too loud!

"Here’s the deal: my girlfriend is mildly lactose intolerant and she loves this of flavored Greek yogurt. She eats the yogurt almost every night before bed," the man explained on Reddit.

"Around midnight, the noises that come from her butt are like Dory’s whale sounds in Finding Nemo. They are long, rectal Chewbacca howls," he described.

His girlfriend's nighttime flatulence "last a few hours." Even though the farts "have no scent," they are disturbing his ability to sleep.

Because his girlfriend refuses to stop eating dairy so he can get some rest at night, the man is now starting to rethink his relationship.

In the comments section of Reddit, many readers offered jokes about the situation.

"Figure out how to monetize her superpower," one user commented.

"Eat egg salad sandwiches before bed and fight her for top spot!" another joked.

"Get yourself a case of mason jars.. there’s gold in them thar [sic] farts lol," someone else shared, referencing the trend of influencers selling their farts in jars to fans for big bucks.

Others offered tangible advice for the couple.

"Time for her to go down to Walgreens and buy those lactose enzyme supplements and a pack of Gas-X," one user wrote.

"The fact they don’t smell makes me thinks it’s not from dairy/lactose. If I have ice cream or milk my farts are gross. But yes. I keep lots of fart pills on hand. Like Gas-X and such. She should be respectful enough to just take a simple pill. Or like others have said, get ear plugs . Either way one of you has to do something REALLY small and simple," someone else advised.