‘Pretty Little Liars’ Recap: Do Not Disturb

This week, on Pretty Little Liars: Emily's eggs are loose in the streets, and Team Liars scores a victory.

Aria comes home to her dad waiting for her in the dark. “Did I scare you?” YES, that’s what being creepy often does. He admits he’s been hiding something…and that something is he’s re-proposed to Ella! I’m still mad that they made her hot coffee shop boyfriend into another Rosewood perv. Aria does her best to take her parents’ hijinks in stride.

Credits. Errbody shushes.

Hanna’s at Lucas’ loft with her square-jawed British boyfriend, when Uber A texts her to demand the backup security drive (which her mom destroyed) ASAP. Her fiancé asks why she won’t return to their life together and calls himself a “whingey sook”(??). British stuff. They make out until Emily shows up.

Meanwhile, Spencer and Caleb have coffee talk in bed, debating suspects: Sara, Aria’s dad, etc. They still act like they’re married, and sorry, it’s still weird and gross!

Emily’s mentally preparing to donate her eggs, while Hanna makes them tea. Hanna hilariously tries to call Emily’s mom Pam, which Emily rejects: “Did I miss a memo that says we call parents by their first names now?” #FiveYearsForward. Emily’s says she’s weirded out by the text from last night. Hanna thinks she means Aria’s family news, which she “cynically” says might be so Aria’s mom can’t testify against Aria’s dad, “like on Downton Abbey.” Emily says she meant the text she got from Ali, and whips herself into a hormone shot-fueled frenzy. Then we finally meet Hanna’s crazy boss Claudia! Even over Skype, we can see that she’s a nightmare.

Aria asks her mom where she was during Charlotte’s hearing, and afterward on that night. Ella says she was with Aria’s dad the entire day and night, lending some credence to Hanna’s Downton Abbey theory.

Speaking of scheming parents, Hanna finally tells her mom she knows that she stole the surveillance tape backup — Mrs. Marin is like IT'S GONE, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT. But since they’ll be Uber A hell to pay, Hanna and Aria return to the house after Mrs. Marin leaves. In a clear callback to the days when Hanna's mom kept stolen money in the lasagna box, they tear apart every cereal and pasta box in the house. When the grain search comes up empty, Hanna and Aria decide the next step is breaking into Sara Harvey’s hotel room.

Emily is intercepted by Dr. Rollins, who’s gone from Charlotte’s Captain-Save-a-Hoe to being Ali’s. Emily says she doesn’t have time for Ali right now, and that’s when he spots her fertility clinic letter, conveniently peeking out the top of her purse. She hustles him out.

Toby’s fiancée Yvonne arrives late for what she thought was a lunch date with Spencer — but Spencer’s there to meet a campaign guy named Gil. She calls Caleb and they realize A’s set this up; Spencer decides to roll with it.

Dr. Rollins is at the high school (where Grease: Live! was shot!) visiting Ali. You know that thing where you visit someone at the school where they work as a teacher in the middle of the day? No? Me neither. Sara Harvey’s in the background, lurking like she does, in a black beanie and leather jacket.

Spencer and Yvonne are still chummy as hell — but then Spencer steals the phone Yvonne leaves behind because she still contaminates everything with her relentless suspicion. Meanwhile, Sara creeps into Ali’s classroom, and what seems like a guilt trip turns into an apology to Ali, for selling Charlotte out in order to get off scott-free. But she also says Charlotte was manipulative and her sisterly bond was entrancing, which Ali admits is true: “She used you to replace me.” Both of them feel guilty, in every sense of the word. Ali leaves looking rattled, and Sara breaks into a (villainous?) grin.

Hanna’s hanging with Caleb in the Hastings Barn, WHICH IS HOW IT SHOULD BE. Spencer comes home and confesses she stole Yvonne’s phone; Caleb’s like great! Let’s trace it! No new friends, I guess.

Ali is the second person to interrupt Emily’s egg donation plan, and once she realizes it she softens, saying she’ll take her (which one of the Liars should have insisted on).

Spencer returns to the restaurant to give the hostess Yvonne’s now-scanned phone — and Mona’s there, waiting to scoop it up for her fellow campaign coworker Yvonne. She says she’ll leave Spencer out of the returned-phone story, in her classic Mona “I’m a threatening ally!” tone.

Ali holds Emily’s hand at her bedside. Emison forever. Meanwhile, Aria’s in the hotel room she’d rented for Ezra to work in, and she overhears Sara yelling Hanna's mom in the hallway. Of course, Sara senses the eavesdrop and turns to stare STRAIGHT into Aria’s soul through the keyhole. Fisheye Sara is both cartoonish and bone-chilling.

At night, Emily dreams that nurse-costumed bogeyman Sara Harvey gives her an injection and pins her down. But Ali comes into the hospital room to wake her, saying she’s been outside the whole time.

Sparia — Aria literally says “Team Sparia” — are using a selfie stick to do some hotel-room-to-hotel-room spying. Finally, a legitimate use for those things. They soon escalate to hopping balconies to get into Sara’s room.

A nurse tells Emily that WHOOPS, they totally took her eggs out but the donor recipients were like “oh we’re good, we got pregnant!” Worst hospital. Emily says to donate them to someone else instead of destroying them, which seems like a risky idea when you’ve been targeted by calculating stalkers for years?

Hanna’s boss continues to abuse her, and she finally realizes she’s experienced much worse and walks out on her. At the same time, Sparia bust into Sara’s empty hotel room, to see a hand poking out from under the bed — but jk, it’s just a glove on a plastic hand (this show and its doll parts fetish).

Hastings Barn-slash-Hacker’s Lair. Caleb peruses Yvonne’s phone files, finding the opposing campaign's password-protected on Spencer’s family. This smells like a Mona trap, but you know he’s gonna crack it open.

Hanna and her seemingly perfect fiancé are riding in the backseat of a town car. She says she might’ve ruined her job, and doesn’t want to go back to Rosewood, so they just keep on ridin’ into the night.

Spencer and Aria continue to search the room, finding a wide array of fashionable leather gloves on plastic hands — including long, A-ish black ones. She picks one of them up and finds a blueprint to Radley Sanitarium with Charlotte’s room circled. Spencer places a blueprint of the Radley Hotel over it, and an overlap with Sara’s present-day hotel room suggests that Sara picked it for that reason. Harvey’s shadiness truly contains multitudes. Spencer calls for Aria, but she’s disappeared — evidently, through a hole Sara’s possibly made in the hotel’s brick wall, and down a long ladder into total darkness. COOL!

Emily’s back at Hanna’s wearing crazy-cute pajamas, when a knock wakes her. Grocery delivery…Em opens an egg carton to find a message in a broken shell: Uber A’s got her eggs, or wants her to think she does.

And finally, in the most satisfying PLL moment in quite some time: Uber A’s gotten ahold of the hard drive with the hotel surveillance footage. Except it’s been overwritten with a video message from Hacker Caleb, saying the rules done been changed, before the kind of computer virus that only happens in TV and movies glitchily destroys A’s hard drive. YESSSSSSSSS.

Stars and Their Furry Friends