‘Pretty Little Liars’ Recap: A New A Is In Town
Previously on Pretty Little Liars: Emily can’t catch a single break, Spencer and Caleb are weirding me out, and something terrible happened to Sara. WARNING: PLL spoilers ahead.
Spa daaaaay! Emily's apparently forgotten about that other time she let her guard down on the massage table. Spencer has cast her ever-shifting suspicion onto Aria, and is obsessing about why she left town. The girls scatter soon afterward — wasting the gift certificate Hanna’s mom gave them, rude — and Emily runs into Sara Harvey. Only Sara could make laying around in a spa creepy. Emily asks her why she even came to Rosewood. Great question!
Aria’s Skyping with her boyfriend, who says their boss is over Ezra’s writing because he seems drunk all the time. EZRA’S GOING THROUGH A LOT RIGHT NOW, Aria snipes back. Her boyfriend’s clearly clueless about Ezria's history.
Detective Calderon visits Ms. Marin at the insane asylum-turned-fancy hotel she owns, and asks why all that security footage is missing from the time of Charlotte's death. Ruh roh.
Meanwhile, Hanna’s fashioning around The Brew in her fashion clothes, when she runs into…Lucas! He’s crazy rich now. Jaguars, condos, Paris, Milan, New York and Japan. He’s shocked when Hanna tells him she and Caleb split, and she soon blows him off for something else, because money doesn’t change everything. He stares after her with his weirdly inscrutable Lucas expression.
Back at the Hastings: Melissa! I missed you, you delicious sketchball. Caleb’s there (UGH) to greet Spencer and make her some eggs and toast, just the way she likes it. Why are they like a sexless married couple? I hate this so much (and they better stay sexless). Melissa asks Spencer about the weird vibe: “I know you like to shop out of other people’s carts.” Did I mention how much I missed her? Spencer denies it, and says Hanna’s engaged now anyway. Melissa’s point still stands.
Hanna’s mom is officially under suspicion for the missing hotel footage. Meanwhile, twelve feet away because everyone hangs out at the Radley Hotel now, Aria and Ezra are meeting for drinks. He gives her his new pages, and before they can talk about how bad they might be, Mrs. Marin walks over to say Ezra isn’t served booze there…because of an “incident.” Oh, Ezra.
A young reporter grills Spencer at a voter registration event, asking if she’s happy Charlotte’s dead — but Spencer’s too politically savvy to get tripped up. Unfortunately, Hanna bursts in to tell her about the footage situation and undercuts the whole “everything’s cool!” lie.
Meanwhile, Emily’s mom tracks her down to say she’s found out Emily is a (pretty little) liar and dropped out of school. And OH, LOOK: Sara’s lurking at a bus stop, glaring holes into Emily. Are there five of her? Serious question.
Emily finds Lucas, because now she needs something — such is the nature of their relationship. At his sweet condo, which he does share with his hamster thank you very much, she asks him to be her alibi for the night of Charlotte’s murder. HANNA! For shame.
Aria is gushing over Ezra’s novel manuscript, and Dark Emily is all, “the woman in it sounds like you. It’s creepy.” “Sure, she’s small — Ezra likes small women, so what?” Ezra does like small, young women. Small, young, high school girl-ish women, you might say. Emily tries to tell Aria about Sara’s stalking, but this conversation isn’t about Aria, so she finds it boring. Emily resigns herself to hiding out while Aria reads.
Spencer visits Hanna, who is cat shopping for her boss (amazing detail). After a minute of small talk, Spencer basically asks Hanna if it’s cool if she and Caleb take a proverbial trip to Spain together (in this euphemism, “Spain” is sex!). Hanna looks visibly wounded but gives her blessing. BOOOOOOOOOOO.
Aria is still obviously in love with Ezra, and Ezra seems very messed up by something. Meanwhile, Spencer visits the nosy journalist to say she’s clued into the fact that he’s trying to write a “Pretty Little Mole Women” story. She points to a Post-It on his desk that reads “Call Mona back,” but he says it’s for an interview on Mrs. Hasting’s opponent —whom Mona works for now, because Mrs. Hastings turned Mona away for a job.
Hanna is freaking out. She's also eating orange juice concentrate from a can while wearing an embroidered robe, and she wins this episode.
Aria’s clueless boyfriend Skypes to tell her their editor wants to cut Ezra loose, and when she bites his head off to defend Ezra again, Emily and Hanna both give her a “guuuuuurl.” Then Hanna catches Emily injecting herself in the thigh.
Blessedly, Hanna actually confronts Emily immediately, and we find out what the deal is: She's selling her eggs for cash.
Calderon jointly grills Emily and Lucas at the police station. Their flimsy, false alibi falls apart in two seconds. Meanwhile, Melissa tells Spencer that the reporter dude knows about some “tape” and a cover-up, which Melissa thinks is the tape she made for Spencer about the events in Ali’s not-murder. But Spencer texts Aria: Someone knows about the security footage, talk to Ezra.
The Radley Nuthouse Hotel, where smooth jazz is always playing. Emily strides up to Sara and asks her what she’s seriously doing in Rosewood still. “The police asked me to stay,” she admits. Then she says Emily, unlike the others, feels guilty about “what happened that night,” and it’s true that Emily can’t even bring herself to look at Sara’s burned hands when she takes her gloves off. Sara’s hands are the new Jenna’s eyes.
Aria tries to beat the other Liars to Ezra in order to get their stories straight, but the other three Liars converge on Ezra and demand to know where he was when Charlotte was killed. He asks them all to leave, then actually screams “GET OUT,” but Aria stays behind. They agree that he’s not the same person he was five years ago, but he also says he’s glad Charlotte’s too dead to hurt Aria ever again. Yes this seems shady, but it’s too early in the season for Ezra to be the real killer, and this is probably misdirected anger over his girlfriend’s death.
Spencer pops in on Caleb in the barn. Guys, I know five years have gone by in their world, but it’s only been a few months in ours, and Spaleb feels so very wrong! Troian Bellisario and Tyler Blackburn’s respective charms can’t even sell this to me. They talk about the night A revealed herself, and we finally see what happened to Sara's hands: They were burned with electric shocks when she grabbed hold of broken wires. On Ali’s command, no one helped her — and in their defense, Sara was an A assistant who was not to be trusted. Spencer wonders if her years of victimhood made her “hardened,” but Caleb says that’s not possible.
Lucas asks Hanna if she had anything to do with Charlotte’s death. She says no, and she can tell her Mom’s wondering the same, which makes living at home stressful. Lucas tells her to stay in his loft while he’s away on business. ARE THERE CAMERAS IN THERE? Trust no one.
Spencer and Caleb hook up, inevitably, and I still do not enjoy this. As a gorgeous “Ring of Fire” cover plays, Emily checks her phone, and Hanna gets a perturbing text at the same time. Spencer and Caleb continue to French (NOPE) as her phone blows up. And Aria’s pecking away at a novel of her own when her phone goes off. And here is the text from our new A (or is it B?): “You know who did it and I’m going to make you talk,” followed by a flaming devil skull emoji.
We end in The Lair, where creepy Alison masks abound, black hoodies are tossed in the trash as the new villain shops for a fresh uniform. Yessssss.
Do you think Lucas is on the new Team B? What about Mona? Is it cool to sleep with your high school best friend’s first love? Share your thoughts in the comments.
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