Woman Hurt After Girlfriend Tells Her Everyone ‘Settles': ‘Only Fulfill 70 Percent of Her Needs’
A woman on Reddit is feeling uneasy after her girlfriend told her that everyone "settles" in a relationship.
"I have been dating my partner for two years now. Last night we were talking about how straight relationships usually aren’t crazy different from gay relationships and she started going on a rant. In it she talked about how everybody settles because your partner will only fulfill 70 [percent] of your needs and you have to seek the other 30 [percent] from other places," she wrote.
"I found this hurtful but I wanted some time to think about it before bringing it up, but it doesn’t really feel less hurtful after a day. I don’t feel like I’m settling for her and I’d say she meets all my needs," the woman continued on Reddit.
After doing some research, the woman was left with more questions than answers.
"Apparently the 70/30 [percent] thing is a thing online but the one I found online only talks about how married couples should spend 70 [percent] of their time together and 30 [percent] of the time apart. This seems a bit different than only meeting 70 [percent] of her needs in our relationship but I wanted to make sure I’m not overreacting," she explained.
Users in the comments section tried to comfort the woman.
"She’s not right about 'settling,' but she’s pointing in the right direction with her rant. No one is perfect, so no one is a perfect match. No one can (or should) provide everything for another person. The first point should be obvious. Second point, you seem to need some time to understand. But what it comes down to is that it is very unhealthy to expect all your needs to come from one person," one person wrote.
"Sounds like she hasn’t used the best words, but from another context she’s not talking about being unhappy. She’s talking about the fact one person cannot (and should not be expected to) meet 100 [percent] of your needs. It’s not fair to expect your partner to be that for you, or fair on yourself to expect you can be that for your partner. It’s unachievable and co-dependent. Obviously different couples have varying degrees of how many and what needs are met, etc. but it’s a pretty general rule. We all deserve to be loved by lots of people and to feel happy and fulfilled. In monogamy that means surrounding yourself with family and friends who fill your cup, etc.," another chimed in.
"It would definitely be advisable to pick your partner's brain more if you aren't entirely sure what your partner is saying. You have to keep asking honest questions and identify what your partner is trying to express. Although the onus is on them to properly explain too," someone else commented.