Ariana Grande Doesn’t Hate America, Can Explain Everything
Ariana Grande is a prodigiously successful pop star and actress. If you base your opinion of her solely on security footage that surfaced yesterday (July 7), she's also a crazed doughnut abuser who gets off on contaminating unpurchased treats with her saliva, and HATES America so much she'd burn a whole pile of flags if she could. Ariana would like you to know this simply is not true.
In a statement to BuzzFeed News, Ariana attempted to explain her doughnut-licking behavior and "choice of words" when she said, "I hate Americans. I hate America." She also offered a reason why, as E! reports, Demi Lovato just replaced her as headliner at the MLB All-Star Game Concert — which some may have erroneously blamed on fried-dough-related controversy. She dropped out because her mouth is broken, you guys! Ari would also like to apologize for words that came out of said mouth. Or more accurately: She'd like to apologize for the fact that you heard those words, and took them the wrong way.
"I am EXTREMELY proud to be an American and I’ve always made it clear that I love my country. What I said in a private moment with my friend, who was buying the donuts, was taken out of context and I am sorry for not using more discretion with my choice of words," the "Break Free" singer told BuzzFeed News. To be fair, she did express love for her country on June 26, which was both her birthday and the day SCOTUS ruled on marriage equality in all states.
She went on to clarify her comments, saying they're actually about childhood obesity (?). She doesn't hate America, she hates that America loves delicious doughnuts so goddamn much!
"As an advocate for healthy eating, food is very important to me and I sometimes get upset by how freely we as Americans eat and consume things without giving any thought to the consequences that it has on our health and society as a whole. The fact that the United States has the highest child obesity rate in the world frustrates me. We need to do more to educate ourselves and our children about the dangers of overeating and the poison that we put into our bodies. We need to demand more from our food industry," she said.
And here comes the sort-of apology: "However I should of* known better in how I expressed myself; and with my new responsibility to others as a public figure I will strive to be better."
She pulled out of the MLB show after an oral surgeon pulled out her teeth: "As for why I cannot be at the MLB show, I have had emergency oral surgery and due to recovery I cannot attend the show. I hope to make it up to all those fans soon. That being said let me once again apologize if I have offended anyone with my poor choice of words."
It checks out.
Do you forgive Ariana for her "poor choice of words," or did you think the whole thing was blown out of proportion to begin with?
An Ari Ponytail For Every Situation