Man Ends Relationship to Avoid Being 'Too Controlling'

A man on Reddit is sharing why he decided to end his relationship over fears of being "too controlling."

"I (M24), and I’ve noticed a troubling pattern in my relationships. I keep breaking up with my girlfriends because I’m afraid I'll become too controlling, which stems from my childhood and my relationship with my mother," he prefaces his post.

"My mother was an alcoholic, and while she wasn’t controlling, her addiction had a significant impact on me. Growing up in a chaotic environment made me very aware of the negative effects of unhealthy behaviors. I’m concerned that I might end up developing controlling tendencies, as I’ve noticed I start becoming overly concerned with my partner's actions and decisions, trying to micromanage things to align with my expectations," the man continued.

The man shared what his behavior is like when he feels that he is getting to be in that controlling state.

"When I get controlling, I also start to get angry at the smallest things, which only adds to my fear that the relationship will turn toxic. Recognizing this pattern, I’ve tried to address my issues, but it’s still difficult to manage. To avoid inflicting this on my partners, I end the relationship before it gets to that point. I explain that it’s about my own issues and not them, and that I don’t want to drag them into a relationship where they might feel suffocated or become the target of my frustration," he revealed.

"My friends and family think I’m being too hasty and that I should work on my issues while in a relationship, rather than ending things prematurely. They believe I’m sabotaging my chances at having a healthy relationship by not giving things a fair chance. But I feel like I’m doing the right thing by stepping away before things get worse," the man says before asking if he is wrong ending his past relationships over his issues.

People in the comments section had conflicting thoughts on the situation.

"You don't have to stay in relationships long-term if they're not working for you. But you sound like you could use some therapy," advised one person.

"NTA, but at some point, you're going to have to take a chance on trusting yourself. You know what to look out for, and you know what warning signs show you might be heading down a path you don't want to. I hope that you are actively working in therapy to deal with these issues - trying to tackle things like this on your own is difficult, and you're sabotaging your chances at happiness in the future," someone else said.

"How have you tried to address your issues?" questioned another person.