Woman Refuses Mom’s ‘Dying Wish’ to Rush Engagement to Boyfriend

On Reddit, a woman explained why she has refused her mom's dying wish to rush her engagement.

"My mum who lives in a different country from me was diagnosed with terminal cancer last year. My mum (before she was sick) has always wanted me to get married since she found out I was dating. She is an Asian and a conservative Christian—just a lovely combination for a highly-controlling-and-having-absolutely-no-boundary type of parent. I am not religious anymore (My mum is not aware) and my boyfriend is an atheist. We have been constantly pressured to convert my boyfriend to Christianity (This is a whole other problem we're facing). She said she would only approve when my boyfriend get baptised. We always have to shut off the comment by lying about going to church every Sunday and saying he would get baptised one day. Heck, from all the unnecessary pressure, we even planned to elope if we ever got married," the woman began.

She shared that her mom's condition has recently gotten worse and the cancer has spread.

"But the situation changed, recently my mum's condition got even worse. The cancer is spreading even more and she is deteriorating. My boyfriend and I are visiting her in my home country next week (which is in a couple of days), together for the first time. When she found out two days ago, she immediately wanted to plan an engagement party. We haven't even got engaged! Plus, financially, we cannot afford to pay for the 'small' party she wanted. When an Asian parent wants a 'small' party, you'll be expecting around 50+ guests," the woman said.

"This issue has been creating lots of fights between my boyfriend and me. My mum also used my siblings to guilt trip me and mentioned that they would help me find the engagement ring and organise everything before our arrival. Which is a big NO NO from me and my boyfriend. On one side, I am constantly grieving about my mum's situation and wanting to make her happy. On the other side, I am trying so hard to stop being such a people-pleaser and stop letting my mum step all over me and my relationship. I honestly don't want to go back home anymore," she continued.

"We want our relationship to be about us and move things forward in our time. I would love to have my mum be part of our wedding. But I also don't want to be robbed of the opportunity to get romantically proposed by my boyfriend without any pressure and have the wedding of our dreams. Do we not deserve that?" the woman furthered.

She shared that she tried to explain the situation to her family in a group text, but not a single member of the family responded.

"After getting ignored when refusing through phone calls, I sent a lengthy text in a family group chat explaining why my boyfriend and I wish not to be forced to have an engagement party so soon and even suggested some alternatives which we are comfortable with if they are willing to compromise. They all have left me on read for over an hour now," the woman concluded.

Users in the comments section agreed that the woman was not wrong.

"Dying wishes are about tidying up loose ends and letting go and leaving a legacy of character for posterity. They shouldn't be about how to choke all their children's lives or to impose by emotional blackmail something they weren't able to impose while alive," said one person.

"It’s your life, it’s your relationship. It’ll be a difficult conversation to have, but ultimately they’ll need to come to terms with your own personal choices - they’re yours!" chimed in another.

"As someone who recently had their wedding ruined by their crazy mom, don't let your family pressure you into this," advised a Reddit user.

"Your relationship with your boyfriend is personal, and marriage is a big step. It's not your mother's place and she's being unreasonable," shared a different person.